I don't know about your family, but mine can probably give Mrs. Cheap a few tips and Jeff Foxworthy some fresh new material. It started so many years ago when my mom ran a daycare from our home. She would take the kids to the movie theatre as an "outing". Not too long after the movie would start, you could hear a rustling of plastic bags and then the distinct sound of a 2-liter opening (one that had been shook up in her purse as it was smuggled inside the theatre). Then the assembly line of little styrophone cups would ensue down the row of about 12 kids. This would be followed by the distribution of the microwave popcorn which had also made it across the border. Of course, my mom went to the trouble of smuggling "for the kids" so they would have a snack during the movie. She's not exactly a cheapskate, but I'm pretty sure Jeff Foxworthy could make something out of her "clip-in" hair phase she went through. She had numerous hair clip-ins: the bun, the short pony tail, and the long pony tail, just to name a few and she kept them all in a tupperware container. The funny part is that we were just laughing the other day at some pictures of her with the clip-ins and she said she still had them. WHY?

My dad on the other hand, could really jump start Jeff Foxworthy's career again and give Mrs. Cheap weeks of material. Let me start by asking, Can you really ever get enough 3 inch bars of french milled bath soaps that hotels provide? Not according to my dad. I've always known how much he loves acquiring those bath soaps but somehow over the years, without saying it, he has roped me into "collecting them" for him as well. Now, I find myself gathering the extra or unused soaps from my own hotel rooms and delivering them to him upon my return. He would have to shower several times a day to even make a dent in his collection, and that will never happen because he's too cheap to run that much water (but that's another story). When he isn't out collecting soap, you can often find my dad in the backyard on his "satellite" swing. What's that, you haven't heard of one before? I don't suppose you have, that's because he took one of those old,big round satellites hooked up some cables to it and mounted it on some metal poles in the backyard. And they wonder why the neighbors are planting trees on the property line.

I thought I would end with a little top 10 list.

I KNOW MY FAMILY IS REDNECK BECAUSE:

10. MY DAD MAKES HIS OWN WINE UNDER THE HOUSE.

9. MY MOM'S HAIR HAS BEEN MORE COLORS THAN A BAG OF SKITTLES.

8. THERE IS A "WIZARD OF OZ" THEMED BEDROOM AT THEIR HOUSE.

7. THE DOG AND GRANDDAUGHTER SHARE THE SAME NAME.

6. MY MOM GETS BAKED POTATOES OFF BUFFET BARS, SO SHE CAN USE THE ALUMINUM FOIL TO SMUGGLE OUT FUDGE OFF THE BAR.

5. MY DAD'S LUGGAGE IS A PLASTIC KROGER BAG. (AND THAT CAN HOLD A WEEKS WORTH)

4. GRAND KIDS FAVORITE TOY: EMPTY WATER BOTTLE THAT DAD HAS HOOKED TO THE END OF HIS FISHING LINE, HE THROWS IT UP OVER SOME TREE BRANCHES AND IT DANGLES DOWN. THE KIDS THEN TRY TO HIT IT WITH A STICK. THIS CAN GO ON FOR HOURS.

3. MY MOM HAD A STRIPPER COME TO HER WOMEN'S CHRISTMAS BRUNCH ONE YEAR.

2. THERE IS A TALKING, SINGING BUST OF ELVIS AS A CENTERPIECE IN THE LIVING ROOM.

1. AT OUR ANNUAL EASTER EGG HUNT THIS YEAR, INSTEAD OF GIVING A PRIZE FOR THE MOST EGGS. THE PRIZE WENT TO THE PERSON WHO HAD THE MOST TICKS.